What was my 2018?

I’m not going to be too specific in this post — this is mostly me holding myself to sharing something.

I end almost every year thinking I fell short in the year that’s ending. I’m a pessimist in that way and many others!

What was different in 2018 was that I wrote down a number of goals for the year. One of those almost immediately fell by the wayside — ironically, that of keeping better track of goals and progress!

My theme for 2018 was to do more, but not necessarily in terms of productivity. Rather, to think about myself the way I do others: What do I want people to do for themselves, or to help them do? Why was I not asking that of myself?

In this sense, 2018 was a success. I committed to improvement, health, relationships and patience with myself and others, even if that progress was uneven. Part of this was doing less of things that don’t help me or make me feel good, and less beating myself up on the days when I just need to do little to nothing.

I spent more time with people who are important to me and less time with dumb things or people who aren’t for me. Related: Did I have less screen time? Not really, but I was more aware of it!

I read more! Actually finished a bunch of books. I bought many more books, but I don’t view that as a problem. I worked out more — well, for 5 or 6 months. Then I didn’t. Still better than most recent years.

I actually went to some doctors, with more to do in 2019 there. This was good, if expensive.

Work is still weird. There are absolutely positive things about what I’m able to do — when I can help people, coworkers or otherwise. When I can help people advance in their careers. I also made a couple of hires, so there was a lot of good there.

But do I feel like I always need a vacation? Do I feel frustration with a lot of the structural barriers of my work existence? I sure do! I’m working on it, and right now feels better than a year ago, which felt better than a year or two before that, but it’s an awfully long road.

I haven’t written a list of what I want to do in 2019. But I’m hopeful that I’m thinking with more than the immediate “now” in mind, both for myself and others.